Hallo.

SO much has happened since we last spoke! A brief synopsis (not quite the right word but who cares?) follows:

Orient Express trip and Carl’s comments on the price of soup.

Carl’s sulphuric acid experiment

Carl’s nicked bike

My new job

Laura’s Mufasa impression

New car

First I’ll tackle our trip on the Orient Express on February 14th.

It was a surprise from Carl. All I was allowed to know was that mum would look after Laura and that I was to look smart. I might have had an inkling when mum told me to take a travel sickness pill (!) but it’s not the sort of thing you think of, is it?

So having persuaded Carl NOT to wear his red polo neck sweater with his suit (he thought he looked like Bond) we set out for the station and what was to be a MOST enjoyable afternoon. On Victoria station I duly took my travel sickness pill despite Carl’s concerns that I may become ‘drowsy’ as a result, and we boarded the train. Carl had a Vodka martini (he said he should have worn his Bond outfit!) and I had a champagne something or other, at ease even though I had neither Big hair nor a fur coat!

The trip took us around the Kent countryside (Pete, my Aussie friend once referred to "the mountains of Kent") and despite the drizzle and abandoned skips just outside Victoria Station, it really was quite picturesque. On the journey we were treated to live music (a violin and some sort of banjo-type instrument) and a gentleman did silhouette portraits of the ladies (Carl kindly offered to get more paper when he reached me). The food and wine was delicious and it was at this point that Carl somewhat smugly suggested that I recount this trip in my next newsletter. And then came the soup comment.

The soup on the menu was Chestnut but tasted just like mushroom and I said as much to Carl.

Carl then said, (and these were his very words!! Ha ha ha) "I’m disgusted with the price that tinned soup has gone up since I came to Southend." I looked up, said that he’d been in Southend for ten years and he continued (without smiling), "it must have gone up by at least 35%." As if noting the price of a tin of soup isn’t bad enough on its own, Carl referred to a percentage increase! Fortunately I had a pen and a receipt in my bag and I was able to discreetly jot these comments down while they were still fresh in my mind. These are the sorts of things one should ponder when one is not at one’s most jovial!

Another thing I must mention is Carl’s latest attempts at DIY. I happened to mention one afternoon that it was taking quite a long time for the water to drain from the kitchen sink. No sooner said, than Carl was on the case. Well, on his way to Sapwood’s actually! The girls and I were out that day but when we returned Carl had sorted out the sink blockage with a healthy dose of Sulphuric Acid! Ha ha ha! The Sulphuric Acid had indeed dissolved the blockage, and only some of the plastic sink!

Just recently Carl decided that riding a bike with no brakes was no longer for him, and he made the executive decision to purchase a new bike. A new bike it was, but the cheapest in the shop. Having had his bike nicked last summer (only for it to be returned the next day with parts missing and the saddle considerably higher) Carl decided that the more basic the bike, the less likely it was to be nicked. What innocence! He just could not believe his eyes when he got off the train one evening to spot his carrier bag (that he places over the seat of the bike) floating about in the wind! He knew that the front wheel could be unscrewed and Carl had been careful to lock the bike with the back wheel. He was so shocked that when he got home he got back in the car and went back to the station for a second look. There, sure enough, was the back wheel still locked to the cycle shed, and so he brought it home, upstairs actually to show us. Bec, who was in the bath, said "At least Daddy has got one wheel." And then went on to suggest Carl make one of the bikes that they had in the olden days with one big wheel and a little wheel. Kind thoughts…

And speaking of Kind thoughts.

I am reminded of the words uttered by Carl in response to Charlotte’s taunts "Daddy is a grumpy-grops. Daddy is a grumpy-grops." To which Carl replied "It’s not surprising, with three horrible children, and a manky old wife!" The term ‘manky old wife’ will stay with me for some days, I’ll wager… And how it rolled off the tongue!!

What else…?

Ah, our new house. We’re in the process of buying a new house. Having had ours on the market for 10 days in February – during which there was a relatively quiet period (half term) – we sold it to someone who (supposedly) had no chain. What a tangled web and all that. The no chain thing was, in fact, a lie and several weeks later we still haven’t exchanged contracts!

The situation got so bad that last week Mr. Millionaire from Hockley – two people up the chain – decided that in order to

move he would buy the property at the bottom! What larks, Jim! We’ll keep you posted as to developments.

In a bid to find me some sturdy boxes to pack things away in, my father agreed to clear out a few boxes of ‘old papers’ from

the loft. He duly did this, telling me that amongst the old papers were letters he had written to the council asking about the

soil type in Hockley when they were moving here in 1956!

I have a new job! I am a Learning Support Assistant at SEEVIC (South East Essex Sixth Form College) in Benfleet.

I started sort of accidentally in March. I say ‘sort of accidentally’ because I thought I was only going in to discuss work times and the like, and ended up going to a double lecture of Religious Studies! I help students studying A level Religious Studies

and Business Studies. A bit of a laugh as I didn’t even take Business Studies at O level! I told them in my interview that I am

a capable person and more or less made out (as I wasn’t sure what being a Learning Support Assistant entailed) that I could

do whatever they threw at me. And I guess they believed me! So far I’ve learnt about Bonhoeffer, Barth and Bultmann,

watched videos in which Joan Bakewell has the leading role, I’ve done homework on a suitable Marketing Strategy for

Marks and Spencer (a bit of a kick in the teeth ((for those of you who are my Share Club friends!))) and partaken of a bit of Critical Path Analysis. What Joy!

It IS a little bit of a nightmare. I am hating it a little less these days possibly because it is the Easter Holidays! My contract

lasts only up until the end of term and I’m not sure that I will want to work quite so hard for quite so little next term. We’ll see... The mobile phone thing alone could be a good reason to leave. If there’s a sum to be done out come all the phones!

Tonight is Rebecca’s first night away from home (apart from when I had Charlotte). She’s at a sleepover at Molly’s house

with the girls! Charlotte has therefore had to go to bed in her sleeping bag on her bed. Charlotte was so excited about

Rebecca’s sleepover that she didn’t get to sleep until after eight! Charlotte’s social life is so hectic at the moment that we

had to decline an invitation to Melanie’s pool party. It is her ninth party invitation since starting in January. She’s got two boyfriends at the moment but only one is serious. When I went to see Mrs. Cootes last term she mentioned Jack. They hold hands in class and Mrs. Cootes would ask that the children place their hands in their OWN laps! Apparently one other girl

is interested in Jack and she was a bit put out when Charlotte arrived on the scene. The other boy is Luke. Jack is no longer in Green Group but Luke is. I’m not sure how serious Luke is, but his party is on the 26^th so we’ll know more then!

Rebecca has no boyfriend as yet which would seem to confirm my ever growing suspicion that she is in fact gay. Only time

will tell, of course…!

2 May, 2000

Carl’s got a new car – well, R reg Avenis which allowed him to get lost today in style, on the first day of his new job back at Ford’s!! I have still got the manky old Primera!!

Small bit about the girls…

Last week Charlotte stood beside me at the kitchen sink with her jumper raised up to her armpits. When I asked her what she was doing, she told me that she was showing me that her tummy was still quite small and she should be able to have something else to eat! At the same time I could see Laura in her highchair DRINKING the last remaining drips of custard from her bowl.

Last week, Carl’s sister Catherine asked me what words Laura says. Since then I have realised that Laura has abandoned

every word in her vocabulary except the word ‘mum’ which she says to everyone and anyone at levels ranging from loud to

unbearable to get whatever she wants.

Rebecca recently took it upon herself to start dieting. She’s mentioned it several times and I would be concerned but for the fact that if she even halved the number of courses she has at every meal, she would rarely eat less than three. This was before our trip to the caravan where Rebecca spent every available moment in the park just outside the caravan, playing LIKE A CHILD!

She even went to bed tonight with a toy! (A brown, jointed horse with a golden mane, lying on her pillow covered with her dressing gown ((an old pyjama top once belonging to my sister Sue!! Ha ha ha ha She’ll never make it to near-normal will she?!)))

Charlotte dreamt about the childcatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang the other night. We watched the film together with subtitles (of course). The girls particularly like the song Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, although they can’t say the words ‘Chitty Chitty’ or ‘fine four-fendered friend’. We also watched Oliver but they found this very scarey and had to get their pillows.

I think that Charlotte may have had German Measles. On the way to the caravan we stopped off at an Easy Chief for some lunch. After lunch when Charlotte raised her t-shirt she was covered in a rash. Not many people left the restaurant! It had

faded by Saturday though and so we ignored it.

Just a little bit about my nephew Matthew…

During the Easter Hols Matthew asked Dizzy for a plastic bag. Dizzy asked him what it was for and he replied, "My pond." Actually he wouldn’t have said that because Matthew ALWAYS replies with a sentence (but you get the idea)! And when

Dizzy went with him down the garden he’d dug a small hole, lined it with sand and was placing the bag in the hole.

Apparently, he watches Ground Force.

Oh well, I suppose I’d better finish. Longer letter than usual I’m afraid. Well done if you’ve made it to the end.

Oh, just one more thing. Today in Business Studies (we sorted out the Origins of the Universe in Religious Studies first thing!) we were doing some Current ratios, Acid Test ratios, and Gearing ratios when Harry asked Joan, the lecturer, whether she had seen the programme on the life of Barbara Windsor? She said "No," and Harry said "It was really good."

I had to really get a grip!

Anyway speak to you all later.

God Bless,

Judy.